


How can I make myself love another?

by syusuke



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur still loves Gwen, Arthur treats Merlin like a friend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag: The Hunter's Heart, Gen, Merlin is a good friend, conflicted Arthur, emotional struggle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 07:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18089900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syusuke/pseuds/syusuke
Summary: Arthur proposed to Princess Mithian. No one was allowed to talk about Gwen in his hearing range, or they would risk harsh punishment.At the end of a long day though, when Arthur can no longer suppress the turmoil, he confides in Merlin.





	How can I make myself love another?

„What would you do?“

Merlin turned around. It wasn’t so much the question itself that caught him off guard, but the way Arthur avoided his eyes. The king was staring at the floor. His gaze lingering somewhere in the past.

“How can I make myself love another?”

For the first time since he had banished Gwen, Merlin could see Arthur. Really see him. Merlin had wanted to hate his king for the way he had treated Gwen. In fact, he had almost succeeded when Arthur had announced that he’d marry Princess Mithian. But now Merlin could see how much Arthur was suffering. Always the brave warrior, he had put up a front, had forbidden for anyone to mention Gwen. It was so obvious now that Arthur still loved Gwen. Even if he would never admit it, Merlin could see unshed tears glistening in his eyes. That was the last straw, Merlin understood.  
Arthur had tried to forget his beloved and when that didn’t work, he had tried to force himself. He had made arrangements that his father would have been proud of. In an effort to forget his feelings he had proposed to a Princess that would help bring stability to Camelot. Mithian was a beautiful woman, well adjusted to the royal duties and luckily enough pleasant company. Merlin could tell that the two liked each other well enough for an arranged marriage, that would benefit both of their families. It was the perfect solution, a strong union with a powerful ally. To be perfectly honest, Arthur and Mithian were as perfect a match as anyone could hope. Even with all the petty sabotages Merlin could think of, Mithian still wasn’t repulsed. She saw Arthur’s good heart and she respected the way he wanted to build his kingdom.

“Tell me, if you were in my place, what would you do?”

Finally Arthur looked at him in a way Merlin never believed he could. All the raw emotion, the struggle to keep some composure, yet openly, trustingly waiting for Merlin’s call. He couldn’t bear it, he looked away.

“It is not my place..”

“Merlin, I’m asking you. As a friend.”

And Merlin wished he could tell Arthur what to do. He wished that he could help him, but this was a decision he could not make. Because it was not the marriage that troubled Arthur. What he was really asking was more fundamental. Should he keep on trusting his heart? Even though he had been betrayed by the people he held most dear? Could he afford to trust anyone anymore? Or was it wiser to follow his father’s path of ruling with an iron fist and putting his heart in chains, locked tightly behind a front of anger and distrust? Was it not safer to let go of the trusting soft-hearted boy?  
“I think you already know.”

Merlin took one quick glance at his king sitting at the table. He was clutching his cup of wine as if it was the only thing holding him together. The slight shaking giving away his racing thoughts as he stared blankly into the fire. Merlin wanted nothing more than to reassure him, to make him believe that he did things the right way, but this was a struggle the king had to face alone. So Merlin left the royal chambers as quickly as he could. He didn’t stop until he was in his own room, sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed.  
He closed his eyes and reached out to Arthur with his mind. He spoke to him, the way only beings of magic could. He gently touched his mind.  
“You will find your way. I trust your destiny and I trust you.”  
Arthur didn’t respond. Of course, he didn’t. After all the King of Camelot didn’t have magic. But Merlin stayed with his mind a little longer. He felt the exhaustion, the sadness.  
Then, like the first ray of sunshine at dawn, he felt how the built up tension made way for an all encompassing calm. The King had made his decision. There was nothing more for Merlin to do. Tomorrow would show how the man, he would protect at the cost of his own life, decided to rule.


End file.
